So, I just finished catching up on my "blurb" account. Devin doesn't approve. I don't blame him. This blog is definitely my journaling and not "our" journaling. And as you have already read, I have some confessions to make:
First the explanation -
I was driving to the grocery store today to try and spend 100$ less than normal when I thought of my younger brother and where he is in his life . . . high school graduation. Can't you just picture yours right now! I thought back and realized how much I learned. The good and the bad.
When you look through your journals . . . and I'm not talking journal entries . . . I'm talking journal books try something new. Read the first and last entry of every book. If you are like me it will span a few years. I did so once I got home from the grocery store where I still spent the same amount I always do and came upon an ingenious thought. Make a list and move on!
Back-up!
Confession #2: I have been struggling to cope with changes in my life.
I know what you are thinking . . . Nicole you have been living in Pittsburgh for 2 years now, move on!
No!
I'm talking all of the changes that have taken place since high school . . . Since that empowering moment at my Eagle High School graduation! (I love you monkey!)
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So, I sat down and made the list and because this is "my" journal for the world I am going to follow in my sister's steps and make a list of some things you might not know have taken place since that glorious day when I could almost feel all of my possibilities. Graduating, getting married, moving across the country, and having a child within the last 3 year is a given.
-Got my first and last cold sore in my senior year of college
-Still have nightmares about my high school coach and upcoming reunion!
-I ruined my health and empowered my confidence by running a half marathon
-Nothing smells better than orange blossoms and . . . home
-I have started over twice and have been satisfied with the results once
-I still mow the lawn in creative designs
-Cleanliness is a rewarding priority - that is definitely a change!
-TV has replace piano as my de-stresser, sadly and piano has replaced sales rep as my income
-Learned that studying reactions is as important making memories
-I still sketch floor-plans and dream of drafting them into published prints
-I still crave spirituality for my happiness
-Loyal friends mean more to me than volleyball ever did
-Decreased in patience
-I was diagnosised with cancer and was so over-whelmed with complete terror that I felt like someone was sitting on me. And I came out on top.
-Learned to enjoy the land
-Sadly Snickers has been replaces with Reeses - don't hate me - I ODed!
-Have developed more flaws and talents in the last two years than I would have ever wished for
-Always wish I could go back to graduation knowing then what I do now
So what did I get out of my list?
Not going to lie my list had about 50 more items that weren't so positive and I'm determined to surround myself with the good and eliminate the bad. Just because I have changed doesn't mean it needs to continue. Finally,
Confession #3: Trying to become someone else means you are self conscious and untill you fix that, your change will never be good enough.
Very fitting that I read this the other night:
Elize R. Snow-
“We want to be ladies in very deed, not according to the term of the word as the world judges, but fit companions of the Gods and Holy Ones. In an organized capacity we can assist each other in not only doing good but in refining ourselves, and whether few or many come forward and help to prosecute this great work, they will be those that will fill honorable positions in the Kingdom of God. . . . Women should be women and not babies that need petting and correction all the time. I know we like to be appreciated but if we do not get all the appreciation which we think is our due, what matters? We know the Lord has laid high responsibility upon us, and there is not a wish or desire that the Lord has implanted in our hearts in righteousness but will be realized, and the greatest good we can do to ourselves and each other is to refine and cultivate ourselves in everything that is good and ennobling to qualify us for those responsibilities.”
1 comment:
Nicole i love you...Great post!
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