My thoughts and feelings

Disclaimer: I need to sleep.  I don't have time to spell check or re-read.  Maybe later.

So going into the final stretch of pregnancy I have been feeling a lot of ..... NESTING!  Which is good.  When I can't control things I tend to over-prepare.  I was nervous to say the least.  This pregnancy has been worst than Brynlee in every aspect but the number of times I was best friends with the toilet.  So you would think I would be ready for D-day.  But I wasn't.  I was nervous about being induced early but still felt peaceful about it when praying.  As tradition goes I get to choose the dinner of my choice the day before my due date or delivery.  I chose cheesecake factory of course!  Then with the house more emaculate than ever, my bags packed, and me showered and ready to go - Dev dropped Brynlee off at a friend's angel's house for the night.  I got a priesthood blessing and then went to sleep.  I slept ok.  We woke up at 5 am and I wasn't nervous.  It was pure excitement.  Excitement to not be pregnant and to cuddle with our new born.  We checked into the hospital at 6 am.  My doctor came in at 8 and started petocin.  Nothing big happened.  I dialated to a 4 and fully effaced but I could tell.  He broke my water at 9:30.  Odd feeling.  And then the contractions came regular and got uncomfortable.  Nothing that took my breath away though.  Dev was so patient about getting ice chips, laughing at my horrible jokes to the nurses and keeping me entertained.  I finally got uncomfortable enough that I didn't think I would mind the 30 min process of an epideral!  I got the epideral at about 11 and it worked on one side.  I layed on the other side trying to get it to drain a little and it did.  It worked enough that the pain was just bad pressure.  I actually am kind of glad that it didn't fully work cause then I knew when it was time to push and could experience the feeling of labor a little better than last time.  I was pretty sure it was time.  We called the nurse in and they checked me.  I was a 10 and fully ready.  His head was turned sideways though.  So at 10 till 12 we started pushing for about 15 minutes and little Callen figured out how to turn himself around and come into the world!  It is the neatest feeling when you can actually feel what is going on during labor.  I felt more accomplished - definitely.  We was so small!  I was shocked.  Brynlee was 8 lbs 6 oz and this guy was 6 lbs 11 oz.  They were both about 20-21 inches long.  But he came out and I held my breath.  I always feel a little stressed until they cry.  He started crying the quietest, sweetest cry when they were cleaning him off.  SUCH A RELIEF!  The rest happens so fast.  I was very lucky again and didn't need stitches.  The doctor was amazing and I feel so blessed that he delivered me.  He really knew what he was doing and you could tell all the nurses just love him.  Dev held Callen while they attended to me for a bit and he suggested Callen.  When I got to hold him for the first time - Dev was right he definitely looked like a Callen and I felt good about the name.  He looked so much like me I felt like.  He might have a big nose and no chin - but I thought he was so adorable.  I felt an instant connection that took me a while to develope with Brynlee.  Oh how I missed cuddling a new born.  Nursing went well.  Although I am so horrible at it!  How in the world does something so innate come so innatural for me!  Good thing both my kids have been good eaters so far.  The whole diaper changing thing for a boy is way harder too.  Ointment here, creases there.  I'm at a loss still at how his legs are stronger than me.  I'm on your side buddy - I'm here to help.  But I get pee, poop, ointment, etc all over everything but what it's suppose to be on!  He is so sweet.  He has only cried when he has been cold.  I'm praying this temperment lasts although I know his sleeping won't.  Last night was rough.  Everyday is hard.  I can't believe how easy 1 kid is and I bet the 3 kid families are saying - just wait!  Every minute I feel like I'm taking care of essential needs only.  I'm sure it will get better and my mom flies in in 3 hours. Alleluah!  Dev has been great.  It's hard for a guy to serve and show compassion but Dev has done it without complaint and always offering more.  I got spoiled in the hospital stay.  Man I wish they would let me stay there a week!  The food is amazing.  Dev pointed out - it's not amazing food.  But he hasn't had a horrible taste and sickness for 9 months.  They served us a candle-light dinner with sparkling cider the last night.  It was multiple course and so good.  Dev came all dressed up and we had a blast.  Brynlee loved Teddy.  She always asks to hold him but it lasts about 45 seconds.  She is very sweet to him and besides the initial poke your eyes out gestures she has been very soft now.  I've noticed some attention getters though.  When I nurse she gets very delicate.  I mean her feeling get her really easy.  And potty training has still been great during the day.  We are working on night time that started acting up about a week ago.  I feel good.  I was warned a few days before delivery that the cramping during breast feeding is worse the second time around and thank goodness cause Brittany is right.  Wow.  That stinks.  It's sad that I feel sexy right now.  I don't look it but when that giant stomache of yours magically goes away you feel like you still got it!  I better put on some jeans before I finish this conversation though.  My back is pretty sore  and the stairs in the house are really going to hamper my recovery.  I'm praying that Callen gains weight quickly so I'm not so nervous about how small he is.  Oh and last night was really rough cause once again I tried to sleep by him.  Bad idea.  Dev finally came downstairs and covered a shift and took him in the other room for me.  Then we both slept just fine.  Well this pregnancy and birth I relied on the Lord a little more.  I gained more faith and a stronger testimony of his love for me in every answered prayer.  I owe so much to the Lord yet he blessed me with another healthy happy child.  I will try with all I have to raise him in the gospel the best I know how.  I feel like that is the only way to repay the debt.  I'm humbled when my family and I are healthy.  It is so rare and I don't take the blessing lightly.  Of course change like this brings your family so close together and I love that feeling.