Change

Big and little change is all around me.  A big voice in my head has been telling me, "you are ready for this.  You are so prepared and excited to go and nothing can knock you down!"  I have been listening to it and feeding off of it.  But this week a very miniscule echo has emerged.  "It's coming ... you can't stop it."  So am I excited to move?  I'm still deciding.  Which brings me to my next point.  I thought I was handling this all very well until I started noticing my all too familiar "you are completely in over your head," signs.  Like:

-I have lost all decisiveness - I can't make a decision to save my life and tend to delegate or run away

-I am starting to forget the little things that I have already (usually through trial and error) stored in the long-term vault.  Example: always buckle your child into their car seat, never misplace a GPS in Pittsburgh, etc.

-Bad dreams (I'll save you the psych evaluation) that can usually be summed up in 2 words - losing control.

-My lists become my life.  Second only to family time.  

I guess the good thing is that when I start to get stressed, I close the world out and focus solely on spending good time with Dev and the kids.  

 I did however manage to convince Dev of his complete competance mothering (or should I say fathering) both our kids for 2 days!  And took off for a girl's weekend!  No, we didn't go to Vegas.  We went to Time Out for Women.  It's exactly what I needed and I'm so glad I did it.  This was my favorite part - Mercy River sang a Backstreet Boys song "Bye, Bye Bye" about sending your kids to bed.

 This picture has a lot of side notes and history to it.  Summary - I adore these 2 ladies and acted like a complete fool (14 year old groupie).  I'm ashamed but honestly, I'd do it again.  They wrote Our Best Bites and gave a hilarious speech on not measuring up.

 I love this friend and was glad to get to talk to her and see her adorable boy.

 Here is the fun ladies I went with!

 This prince charming is sitting up.  Don't be fooled though I have to hold one knee down and every once in a while he will still have a conniption and slam his head to the floor into whatever is behind him. I will post a video at the end of him laughing.  By now I had like 3 for Brynlee.  Callen is more jovial than Brynlee but I haven't had the camera out as much.  One smile for this kid and it makes everything all better.

This little girl is hilarious.  I am also posting 2 videos of her.  One is for Grandpa Shaw and the other is to give you a little look into our days.  I was pushing the conversation certain ways.  Usually she is talking 75% to 95% of the time but it's still the same cute expressions, voice and humorous comments.  I couldn't get her to look at me for this picture because she was watching Beauty and the Beast!

 On to a sad story.  I have the best neighbor.  Mary Lou.  I'm sure you have heard about her before from me.  She has been taking care of her husband for 20+ years.  He has had 3 strokes.  She works full time and comes home to clean up his messes (sometimes he has no digestive control) all over her house and in the bathroom.  He can't talk or walk.  I have obviously caught the tail end and last 4 years of this but Mary Lou is a saint.  She finally went bankrupt (literally) to put Bill in a nursing home because he was falling and hurting himself multiple times a day and she couldn't lift him.  Mary Lou's daughter (Vicki) has been fighting stage 4 lung and brain cancer for the last 6 months.  She has lost her hair through chemo and has gone through some pretty tough physical pain with no good news as of yet.  And that doesn't even touch the surface to what Mary Lou has been through (daughter committed suicide, grand child is undergoing biopsy for cancer at age 4, on top of going bankrupt) Anyways, I got a call Sunday night that Bill had passed away a few hours before.  Now the open casket was ok, the funeral was ok but then we arrived at the cemetary.  Mary Lou saw the soldiers with the flag waiting for her by Bill's casket.  She hesitated and looked down.  Then I saw Mary Lou lock arms with Vicki and her 2 daughters to hold them up and walk to the where the soldiers would fold the flag and bury Bill - I lost it.  Thinking of the hours and hours and years and years of service she has given her husband when he mentally wasn't there.  Her dedication and conviction to a marriage was give, give, give and no return ... for 20 years.  The only thing that i can think to say is that I hope to be just like my sweet neighbor Mary Lou!

 So basically I have everything to be thankful for.  And it was a good reminder this weekend when all I can focus on is my selfish self lately.  The advice I have finally come to is that change is good.  I'm so afraid of changing myself, my kids, my husband, my routine, my surroundings that I've forgotten how wonderful change has been to us in Pittsburgh.  Life is getting stressful, I guess.  Everything will work out.  And if it doesn't, thanks to the truths I believe in, I know that:
-My family is eternal
-God loves me and all prayers are answered in his time
And if I've learned anything for trials - it's that those 2 things can get me through anything!  Plus a little chocolate!